Hey Jerry
December 29th, 2006If you’re from Omaha Nebraska though, and you just flew into town and want to stop off at that place you saw in the news a few years ago to take pictures of your fucking kids smiling and having a good time in front of a place where a lot of innocent people lost their lives - I’ve got an even more fun way for you to spend your day:
Take your kids, still in their I LOVE NY t-shirts and their I LOVE NY hats with the unbent rims, and head back home to east bumfuck - back to your garage. Now put your Prius in park with the engine on and the windows down and shut the garage door. It’s a shitty Hybrid so it’s going to take a while, but there’s a fun surprise for you and your demon-spawn at the end of this adventure, I promise!
The other day my girlfriend was yelled at on her way to work. What did she do? She had the audacity to walk in front of some jack-off with a video camera pointed at the World Trade Center site. We’ll call him Jerry, because when I think of a name that screams asshole, Jerry flies into my head faster than the 45 caliber bullet I want to put in his.
Hal: “So how was your trip to New York Jerry?”
Jerry: “Fantastic Hal! We got a lot of great footage.”
Hal: “Oh yeah? Let me see!”
Jerry: “This is my favorite - it’s me and the kids in New York at this place where 2,000 people were innocently slaughtered! Check out the hand stand Eric is doing on that memorial plaque!”
Hal: “Uhhh…”
Jerry: “Wait wait wait, you haven’t seen the best part. Here it comes! Eric actually urinates on this little old lady who was there crying about her husband or something. Oh, and this is where I yell at some bitch for walking to work on the sidewalk in the City she lives in.”
Hey Jerry - we hate you.
Now I should point out that this is not Jerry - but this is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Look at this chode showing off (and probably selling) pictures of the attack like they’re trading cards. I like the girl in the William & Mary T-Shirt - it looks like she’s about to vomit on Jerry and his wares - which is the absolute correct thing to do when you meet a Jerry, folks.
Sully